A Little Priest
by estelgreenleaf
Summary: Hannibal and Will find themselves in an impromptu song and dance routine while making dinner. OOC, crack, and Hannigram.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Hannibal or Sweeney Todd.

**A/N: **This is what I was writing when I was supposed to be doing my summer assignment that's due in two days. As, you probably tell, I changed a few of the lyrics to "A Little Priest" to better fit the situation. Hope you guys enjoy, even though I know this is completely OOC and crack. Oh, and there's Hannigram.

**A Little Priest**

A certain Doctor Hannibal Lecter stood in the kitchen, sautéing various meats and vegetables, but not particularly watching the food. He was staring between the body on the floor and the somewhat nervous, yet excited, face of Will Graham. Hannibal put down the pan he was holding and went up behind Will, snaking his arms around the empath's waist. He began to whisper into the younger man's ear:

"Seems a downright shame..."

"Shame?" Will asked.

"Seems an awful waste..." he replied, "such a nice, plump frame, what's his name has... had... has! No it can't be traced. Cuisine needs a lift, rudeness to be erased. Think of it as thrift, as a gift, if you get my drift! Seems an awful waste... I mean, with the quality of meat what it is, where you get it, when you get it..."

"Ah!" Will exclaimed.

"Good, you got it!"

They began to waltz around the kitchen, limbs tangled. Simultaneously, they began to sing.

"William, what a charming notion!" Hannibal sang.

"Well, it does seem a waste..." Will replied, almost instantaneously.

"Mr. Graham, how I've lived without you all these years, I'll never know! How delectable!"

Will considered that and replied, "Think about it! Loads of other gentlemen'll soon be coming for a fight, won't they? Think of, all that, food!"

They ran over to a window and stared out at the world below.

"For what's the sound of the world out there?" Hannibal asked.

"What, Doctor? What, Doctor? What is that sound?"

"It's man devouring man, my dear!"

They sang together, oblivious to anything around.

"Then who are we to deny it in here?"

Hannibal rushed to the oven and pulled a pan out, burning his fingers.

"What is that?" Will asked.

"It's priest. Have a little priest."

"Is it really good?"

"Will, it's too good, at least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, so it's pretty fresh."

"Awful lot of fat."

"Only where it sat, " Hannibal remarked.

"Haven't you got poet, or something like that?"

"No, you see, the trouble with poet is how do you know it's deceased? Try the priest!"

"Then again..." Hannibal muttered, lawyer's rather nice."

"If it's for a price..."

"Order something else, though, to follow, since no one should swallow it twice."

"Anything that's lean?"

"Well, then, if you're British and loyal, you might enjoy royal marine!" Hannibal sang, giving Will a wink, "Anyway, it's clean. Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!"

"Is that squire, on the fire?"

"Mercy no, Will, look closer, you'll notice it's grocer!"

"Looks thicker, more like vicar!"

"No, it has to be grocer - it's green!"

"What is that?" Will asked, poking at another dish.

"It's fop. Finest in the shop." Hannibal answered, "Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered with actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun- here's the politician, so oily, it's served with a doily, have one!"

"Put it on a bun. Well, you never know if it's going to run!"

"Try the friar, fried, it's drier!"

"No, the clergy is really too coarse and too mealy!"

"Then actor, that's compacter!"

"Yes, but always arrives overdone!"

"Have charity towards the world, my pet!" Hannibal sang.

"Yes, yes, I know, my love!"

"We'll take the cadavers that we can get!"

"High-born and low, my love!"

"We'll not discriminate great from small, no we'll have anyone, meaning anyone,"

They both joined together, two very different voices melding into one,

"And at anytime, at all!"

They ended their macabre song and dance routine with Hannibal holding Will in a deep dip. When they were both vertically oriented, Will and Hannibal's lips met in a passionate kiss. A timer began to go off in the background. Will quickly pulled away.

"Shit; the food!" he exclaimed.

Dr. Lecter watched his favorite patient hurry back to the oven with a predatory grin on his face. _Things were going to get interesting tonight. _


End file.
